And, On A Lighter Note ………

And,  on a lighter note :

.broccoli on my ass

Q: What’s the difference between pea soup and roast beef?
A: Anyone can roast beef.

Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex ?

— You can GET chocolate.
— Chocolate satisfies even when it’s gone soft.
— You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
— You can have chocolate in in public.
— If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won’t mind.
— The word “commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate.
— You don’t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
— No need to fake your enjoyment of chocolate.
— Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant.
— You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
— You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
— Size doesn’t matter — though more is still better.

Q: Two potatoes are walking down the street. One of them is a prostitute. How can you tell which one is the prostitute?
A: It’s the one stamped “Idaho.”

Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
A: Rotisserie chicken.

Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, “I have to go change. I’ll be back in a minute.”
Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky ‘egg’lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body.
Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely.
“What are you doing?,” the female egg asked.
He replied, “The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon.”

couple goes to Mexico City on vacation and eats at a famous local restaurant. The waiter tells them they have a delicious special every Sunday, so the couple orders the special.
With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping. It smells delicious and tastes even better.
The couple is delighted with their meal, and the husband asks the waiter what fabulous meat was in the dish. “Senor,” he explains, “each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull’s balls you ate.”
The couple is a bit taken aback by what they have just eaten, but it was delicious, so they get over it.
Six months later, the couple returns to Mexico City and decides to go to the same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they order the same dish.
Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time, there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one.
The man says, “Excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this portion so small?”
The waiter smiles and replies, “Well, you see, senor, sometimes the bull wins!”

Q: What does a good steak have in common with good sex?
A: They’re both very rare.

Q: Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
A: It’s called Sosumi.

Cannibal Son: Mom, I don’t like my brother anymore.
Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!

At work, a blonde notices her that cubicle mate has a thermos.
She asks him what it’s for, and he responds, “It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.”
The blonde immediately buys one. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.
Her cube mate asks, “What do you have in it?”
The blonde says, “Soup and ice cream.”

Things  never said by Southerners :

— Duct tape won’t fix that.

— Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.

— We don’t keep firearms in the house.

— You can’t feed that to the dog.

— The kids can’t ride in the back of the pickup — it’s just not safe.

— Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

— We’re vegetarians.

— Do you think my gut is too big?

— Honey, we don’t need another dog.

— Who’s Richard Petty?

— We could just share a small bag of pork rinds

.– Too many deer heads detract from the decor

.– I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today

.– Is there anything in this restaurant that’s NOT fried?

— The tires on that truck are too big.

— I’ve got it all on the C drive.

— There’s too much sugar in this tea.

— Checkmate.

— I believe you cooked those greens too long

A  truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker’s coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn’t say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, “He ain’t much of a man, is he?”
“He’s not much of a driver, either,” the waitress replied. “He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles.”

Q: What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
A: Beer nuts are a $1.39, and deer nuts are under a buck.

Americans hate France. You don’t know French people. It’s mostly based on a story you heard about a friend’s friends who went to Paris, who had a waiter, who had B.O., who was very rude to them because they sent back their steak tartar because it was too rare.

we are screwed

Well Friend’s there you have it.
But, at least there is good food to help us get over it  🙂

Life is (still) Good !


  1. certainly did lighten my day, I’ve decided to come back as a Dung Beetle in my next life, that way at least I’ll be happy when everybody gives me s**t

    Liked by 1 person

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