How To Be Fat, Poor, Unfulfilled, And Unhappy

1. Always buy the latest technology regardless of whether or not you can afford it

2. Always go for the easiest, fastest, most efficient solution

3. If it takes effort, run away

4. Give up at the first sign of struggle

5. Watch at least 8 hours of TV a day, preferably shows that start with “The Real Housewives of”

6. Don’t question what others say no matter how ridiculous it sounds

7. Freeload and leech whenever possible

8. Buy every weight loss product out there, especially if it promises quick and miraculous results

9. Blame everything on your genes or on other people

10. Stay up all night, especially to watch late night infomercials about penis enlargement products