It’s a Chef’s Life ….

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I saw this post by Mark Dale on FB and wanted to share it with you all 🙂
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Chef Hans Susser

Chef Hans Susser

 

It’s a Chef’s Life ….
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What you can expect from making a living in a professional kitchen:
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1 You’ll almost always have open wounds on your hands and arms.

2 You’ll never meet new people because your social life deteriorates into non-existence.3 You’ll find it hard to start relationships because alone time will become a precious thing.

4 You’ll lose your social skills.

5 Your sense of humor will degrade into the politically incorrect and socially unacceptable

6 You’ll eventually start swearing like a sailor and you won’t even notice yourself doing it.

7 You’ll turn into an anorak/monomaniac and always turn all conversations back to food.

8 You’ll earn a pittance for years/decades.

9 You’ll either lose a vast amount of weight or gain a vast amount of weight.

10 You’ll never ever have a tan ever again.

11 You won’t become famous.

12 You’ll develop a habit, whether it be coffee, cigarettes, alcohol, gambling, cannabis, cocaine, or even red bull.

13 Your feet will get destroyed.

14 Your back will get destroyed.

15 Your hands will get destroyed.

16 You’ll live in a constant state of sleep deprivation, indefinitely.

17 You’ll have to ask your friends to plan everything around your schedule, which is incomplete opposition with their availability, because you never know your days off in advance and you probably won’t be able to change it.

18 You’ll become of a very highly strung nature

19 You’ll become more prone to temper flare ups

20 Your awareness of other people’s lack of efficiency and common sense will increase and your tolerance of it will decrease.

21 You’ll spend the largest part of your life cooped up in a small, undecorated room with poor ventilation, high temperatures, a lot of noise, humidity, no natural light and no windows, with a small group of people who will become your only social interactions.

22 You will work longer hours than you ever imagined possible or thought legal.

23 You will spend all your waking hours on your feet, never getting a chance to sit down even for 5 minutes.

24 Your shortest work days will be longer than most people’s longest, and your longer workdays, which make up about half of your working week, will be longer than the average person is awake in a day.

25 You will not cook gourmet dinners at home. You’ll be too tired, and too fed up of cooking.

26 You will probably start eating mostly fast food and cheap instant noodles.

27 You will be the subject of abuse, whether physical or emotional. Officially, it will be as a test of character. In reality, it will be as a form of entertainment.

28 You will end up spending so much time at work that your colleagues will know you better than your partner/family/friends do.

29 You will meet and form strong bonds with types of people whom you’d previously never even have imagined sharing conversations with.

30 You will be in a constant state of stress.

31 You will never be irreplaceable and will be expected to constantly give 110%.

32 You will always be exhausted.

33 You will not be allowed to call in sick for a hangover.

34 You will be expected to place your work before any other part of your life in your list of priorities.

35 You will never be congratulated on your work.

36 You will be expected to treat your superiors as absolute masters and never answer back, try to explain yourself, start a conversation, or show any other type of insubordination, even if you know that they are in the wrong or feel as if their behavior towards you is unacceptable.

37 It will become very difficult to watch friends cook.

38 Your mum will stop cooking for you because she feels embarrassed.

39 You will be expected to cook for family gatherings such as Christmas EVERY SINGLE YEAR. Luckily, at least one year out of two, you will be working on Christmas.

40 At least one year out of two, and maybe every year, you will work Christmas, New Year‘s Eve, Easter, Valentine’s day, Mother’s day, Father’s day, bank holidays, Halloween, your birthday, and pretty much every other day of celebration on the calendar.

41 You will have to work many years in menial positions before attaining any level of authority in the workplace.

42 The better the restaurant is, the longer the work hours become, the more pressure you end up under, the more unhealthy your lifestyle will become, the more likely you will be to develop a habit, the more competitive the people around you will become, the less sleep you’ll get, the less you’ll eat etc.

43 You will constantly make mistakes, and every time you do make a mistake, someone will notice it and make you understand that you are clearly a subhuman because only a subhuman could make such a mistake.

44 If you are a woman, you will constantly be the subject of misogynist remarks and jokes, sexual harassment, belittlement and remarks about your menstrual cycle.

45 None of your friends or family will understand what is involved in your work and you will never be able to make them understand.

46 You will spend vast amounts of money on equipment, books, eating in good restaurants etc, which will leave you with not much money for other things.

47 You will develop a creepy obsession with knives.

48 If you are a pastry chef, you will develop a creepy obsession with spoons.

49 You will get a rash in your arse crack from the mixture of heat, sweat and friction that will not heal well, sometimes get infected, will mostly always be slimy and itchy and will be there most of the time.

50 If you are the right type of person, you will thank your lucky star every single day for the rest of your life for making you take the best decision you ever did and become a chef. And you will fall in love with your job and never look back.

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So, would I choose this profession again ?  YEP !
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Would You ???
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28 comments

  1. Pingback: It’s a Chef’s Life …. | hanssusser

  5. This is so right,even so it sounds probable very tough to People who dont no the business and think you nuts.I wouldn,t change for the World.I would do it all over again.You have to be born to be a Chef to under stand this.You learn some thing new
    and exiting every Day of the year,never a dull Day.
    Life is good,Greetings CHEF ROLF!

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  8. In some ways a nice article that’s a lot of fun.

    In other ways a scary and perfect discription of my life.

    Would I go back in time and choose to be a chef again if given a choice? Of course, as insane as we all are to do it, I can’t imagine doing anything else.

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  9. I don’t even know where to begin my comment on this article. It is all so true. I will just say this YES I WOULD choose this profession again. The other night I made some rissoto in the restaurant I work in and ha y’all thought I was switcin back to food. Love this article chef. The only thing it didn’t mention is all those friends you make in the kitchen are lost do to corporate regulations once you make it to the top. So it is lonely at the top but you choose to be there, so enjoy that beer, wine, or whiskey alone. Ha

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  11. Its amazing how accurate this whole opinion is in reference to my life. But the truth of the matter is that it also borders on the cliché. Some things dont allways apply, especially and depending on the line of cheff you get to become. For instance, in general, once you reach a certain level of success, you are able to grow and therefore delegate responsablity to your well cultivated and trained staff and even though it is mistly considered a luxury to have some time off, because of the extra salaries for enough staff to be able to feel you can do so, it is worth the effort. What good is to have success and not enjoy it? Not all the statements are true. For instance, you dont become an raving animal or loose your temper as often if you learn to control your expectations and dont let yourself become a control freak. Toleration, resignation, patience and proper motivation brings about better results than temper tantrums. I have lost several good cooks/assistants for letting myself badger them with my own frustrations and for loosing control. Relationshps are also posible, in fact they become easier to find since you become sexier with success and finding time off to nourish a relationship depends on your will to find some or in the fact that you can have relatonships or even get married with coworkers that share similar tasks and schedules. I did loose more than 35 pounds from the load of work and do suffer long periods of sleep deprivation but in the end it all makes up with having people praising your work and having the satisfaction of making a name for yourself and your buisness. Anyways, for someone creative, this is a great outlet for creativity.

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  13. It is in some of my most challengin moments in my life I have been able to escape to my love of food and excel at very high levels… So know I would not change a thing………

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  14. I must be a one of a kind. 35 years in the business, trained in French Nouvelle cuisine, schooled, opened numerous restaurants, spent 1/3 of my career in fine dining, 1/3 in crisis management, cross trained in multiple cuisines, yatta yatta, so I am responding to the list 1-50:)
    1. No scars, I like my digits.
    2. Always time to socialize, see movies, rock out at concerts……….
    3. Starting relationships is easy, ending them sucks beans…………
    4. Always a strong suit for me…………..
    5. A key asset that fends off insanity for me……….
    6. Never really did that…….
    7. No, music, politics, movies, freestyle jet skiing always came first…..
    8. Always well paid after 1st 2 positions in this field.
    9. Neither.
    10. Age 19-27, rarely, after that always in moderation.
    11. I’m in between on this one, seems to be going in that direction
    12. Serious Party skills to this day, but never a habit or DUI
    13. Well worn
    14. Previous issues under the bridge
    15. Still intact
    16. My strong suit.
    17. I have controlled my schedule last 24 years, completely controlled.
    18. No, not ever
    19. Only with inanimate objects like machinery.
    20. BINGO!
    21. I swore that would not happen to me, and it did not. Many summer weekends for 21 years during the busy season I was on a beach somewhere in the US or Canada ripping across waves & water ways in front of enormous audiences. Something that will never happen again, anywhere. When that was done it was off to Maui, Costa Rica, Jamaica, Turks & Caicos, …….. get out and see the world before you can’t. The less regrets when you meet your maker the easier it will be to check out and pay the bill for your life.
    22. Many moons ago.
    23. Many more moons ago.
    24. Ancient History.
    25. Over this decades ago.
    26. Not really, confined mostly to road trips and heavy errand days with a car.
    27. BINGO!
    28. 50/50
    29. Nope, stupid is stupid and location changes nothing.
    30. Not A Chance!
    31. Irreplaceable, eventually, yes. Now, no other option:)
    32. Not always, 50/50…..
    33. Sick or hurt, yes, self inflicted, never.
    34. Expected, yes. Did I? 50/50……………….
    35. Who do you guys work for? They need a good beating………….
    36. Yeah Right! And I’m Mary Queen Of Scots, Glad to meet you!
    37. I watch the game and don’t even look at the kitchen. I move only for smoke & flames.
    38. Her awful cooking was a major reason I became a chef, it was a matter of survival!
    39. No, most of my family are at least competent in their own right….
    40. You be crazy Mon! Not for me still, decades later.
    41. Not of me again. I have issues with anyone accepting this as an inescapable fact.
    42. No, openings are far worse to deal with. A close 2nd is crisis management…….
    43. Soon after their pie hole closes their family tree loses a limb to pruning, every time in time……
    44. Whenever I was in charge, this was never tolerated.
    45. BINGO!
    46. This is a life wasted, and in reality, a tragedy.
    47. Never happened
    48. Never Happened
    49. My guess is there is a pair of tongs in one back pocket and a towel in the other. Adds that “mellow” flavor to soups & stocks I hear..
    50. BINGO!

    Truth is this list, for me is a revision of things the first few chefs I worked for warned me of right from the beginning for the most part. Some of it I figured out before it had a chance to run me over like so many others in our field. Some I learned after a few lumps to my melon, same as everyone else. Much of it is accurate. I have been pretty damn lucky to have expanded outside the kitchen and enjoy a fuller life.
    That, is something I cannot put a price tag on. So it was 4 out of 50 that scored direct hits. I can live with that:)

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  16. I recently read a similar type list of “good and bad” referring to the Israelis versus the Palestinians.
    Ten points about where the Israelis were angels and ten points as to the Palestinians being devils.
    I could just as easily write a long list of the beautiful aspects of our profession as opposed to the negative; so it is just a matter of perception at the end of the day.
    An amusing blog all the same.
    Thank you!

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  18. ha. i like it. what about the disgusting sad state of varicose vein riddled mess that are a chef’s legs? Can’t get then fixed/removed because a chef can’t be out of the kitchen long enough to recover from the procedure! Or having to go as far as quitting a job to get a vacation… madness.. but yeah, we do what we do..nothing compares. nice blog. gotta go check on my homemade wine fermenting..might need a taste test.

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