Category Archives: Fun

It’s a Chef’s Life ….

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I saw this post by Mark Dale on FB and wanted to share it with you all :-)
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Chef Hans Susser

Chef Hans Susser

 

It’s a Chef’s Life ….
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What you can expect from making a living in a professional kitchen:
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1 You’ll almost always have open wounds on your hands and arms.

2 You’ll never meet new people because your social life deteriorates into non-existence.3 You’ll find it hard to start relationships because alone time will become a precious thing.

4 You’ll lose your social skills.

5 Your sense of humor will degrade into the politically incorrect and socially unacceptable

6 You’ll eventually start swearing like a sailor and you won’t even notice yourself doing it.

7 You’ll turn into an anorak/monomaniac and always turn all conversations back to food.

8 You’ll earn a pittance for years/decades.

9 You’ll either lose a vast amount of weight or gain a vast amount of weight.

10 You’ll never ever have a tan ever again.

11 You won’t become famous.

12 You’ll develop a habit, whether it be coffee, cigarettes, alcohol, gambling, cannabis, cocaine, or even red bull.

13 Your feet will get destroyed.

14 Your back will get destroyed.

15 Your hands will get destroyed.

16 You’ll live in a constant state of sleep deprivation, indefinitely.

17 You’ll have to ask your friends to plan everything around your schedule, which is incomplete opposition with their availability, because you never know your days off in advance and you probably won’t be able to change it.

18 You’ll become of a very highly strung nature

19 You’ll become more prone to temper flare ups

20 Your awareness of other people’s lack of efficiency and common sense will increase and your tolerance of it will decrease.

21 You’ll spend the largest part of your life cooped up in a small, undecorated room with poor ventilation, high temperatures, a lot of noise, humidity, no natural light and no windows, with a small group of people who will become your only social interactions.

22 You will work longer hours than you ever imagined possible or thought legal.

23 You will spend all your waking hours on your feet, never getting a chance to sit down even for 5 minutes.

24 Your shortest work days will be longer than most people’s longest, and your longer workdays, which make up about half of your working week, will be longer than the average person is awake in a day.

25 You will not cook gourmet dinners at home. You’ll be too tired, and too fed up of cooking.

26 You will probably start eating mostly fast food and cheap instant noodles.

27 You will be the subject of abuse, whether physical or emotional. Officially, it will be as a test of character. In reality, it will be as a form of entertainment.

28 You will end up spending so much time at work that your colleagues will know you better than your partner/family/friends do.

29 You will meet and form strong bonds with types of people whom you’d previously never even have imagined sharing conversations with.

30 You will be in a constant state of stress.

31 You will never be irreplaceable and will be expected to constantly give 110%.

32 You will always be exhausted.

33 You will not be allowed to call in sick for a hangover.

34 You will be expected to place your work before any other part of your life in your list of priorities.

35 You will never be congratulated on your work.

36 You will be expected to treat your superiors as absolute masters and never answer back, try to explain yourself, start a conversation, or show any other type of insubordination, even if you know that they are in the wrong or feel as if their behavior towards you is unacceptable.

37 It will become very difficult to watch friends cook.

38 Your mum will stop cooking for you because she feels embarrassed.

39 You will be expected to cook for family gatherings such as Christmas EVERY SINGLE YEAR. Luckily, at least one year out of two, you will be working on Christmas.

40 At least one year out of two, and maybe every year, you will work Christmas, New Year‘s Eve, Easter, Valentine’s day, Mother’s day, Father’s day, bank holidays, Halloween, your birthday, and pretty much every other day of celebration on the calendar.

41 You will have to work many years in menial positions before attaining any level of authority in the workplace.

42 The better the restaurant is, the longer the work hours become, the more pressure you end up under, the more unhealthy your lifestyle will become, the more likely you will be to develop a habit, the more competitive the people around you will become, the less sleep you’ll get, the less you’ll eat etc.

43 You will constantly make mistakes, and every time you do make a mistake, someone will notice it and make you understand that you are clearly a subhuman because only a subhuman could make such a mistake.

44 If you are a woman, you will constantly be the subject of misogynist remarks and jokes, sexual harassment, belittlement and remarks about your menstrual cycle.

45 None of your friends or family will understand what is involved in your work and you will never be able to make them understand.

46 You will spend vast amounts of money on equipment, books, eating in good restaurants etc, which will leave you with not much money for other things.

47 You will develop a creepy obsession with knives.

48 If you are a pastry chef, you will develop a creepy obsession with spoons.

49 You will get a rash in your arse crack from the mixture of heat, sweat and friction that will not heal well, sometimes get infected, will mostly always be slimy and itchy and will be there most of the time.

50 If you are the right type of person, you will thank your lucky star every single day for the rest of your life for making you take the best decision you ever did and become a chef. And you will fall in love with your job and never look back.

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So, would I choose this profession again ?  YEP !
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Would You ???
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About these ads

End Of The Week Treat # 2

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Yesterday  when I got home after a long workweek, I felt like treating myself to something “ lecker ”.
This is what tickled my fancy the most :
Tiramisu  (again :-) ,  topped with cream and blackberries. A bottle of bubbly.
It rained dogs and cat’s the whole afternoon, but inside ,with some lecker goodies and my little girl, it felt like the coziest place on earth.

Welcome Weekend !   Life is Good !
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Blackberry Topped Tiramisu & Bubbly. Life is Good !

Blackberry Topped Tiramisu & Bubbly. Life is Good !

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More  ” End Of The Week Treat’s ”  on ChefsOpinion
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So I Threw A Coconut In He’s Face…….

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My  drinking buddy is always right.
He said onion is the only food that makes you cry.
So I threw a coconut in he’s face.

coconut

Question:

Do cannibals get hungry one hour after eating a china man?
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Three cooks, one from Kentucky, one from California and one from Oregon, were sitting on a park bench passing the time. Suddenly, the cook from Kentucky reaches under the bench and drags out a new bottle of bourbon, takes a big swig, tosses the bottle into the air and shoots it with a pistol.
“Why the heck did you do that ?” asked the cook from California.
“We got lot’s of bourbon in Kentucky” was the reply.
Next the cook from California takes out a bottle of fine wine, takes a huge swig, throws the bottle into the air and shoots it with a pistol.
“Why the heck did you do that ?” asked the cook from Oregon.
“We got lot’s of wine in California” was the reply.
The cook from Oregon takes out a bottle of Henry’s Private Reserve beer, takes a humongous swig and shoots the cook from California.
“Why the heck did you do that ?” asked the cook from Kentucky.
“We’ve got lot’s of Californians in Oregon” was the reply.
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How to reach inner peace:

 I am passing this on to you because it was passed on to me and it has definitely worked for me like a charm. By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. It read: “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you’ve started.” I looked around to see all the things I started and hadn’t finished… So far today I have finished one bottle of vodka, a bottle of red wine, a bottle of Scotch, some Valium, a small box of chocolates and 9 beers. You have no idea how good I feel. You may pass this on to those you feel are in need of Inner Peace.
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Strawberry toppings:

Young Hans lives across from a horse farm. The farmer was driving out unto the road with a load of horse “fertilizer”.
Hans saw him and called, “What’ve you got in your truck?”
“Horse Manure,” the farmer replied.
“It stinks! What are you going to do with it?” asked Hans.
“Put it on my strawberries,” answered the farmer.
“You ought to  come to our house,” Hans advised him.
“We put sugar and cream on ours.”
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Life is Good !  
It’s even better when you’re having fun !
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All over the world, same crap……..

I think she is pissed and I agree with her………………
Alan Simpson, the Senator from Wyoming, calls senior citizens the Greediest Generation as he compared Social Security to a milk cow with 310 million teats.
Here’s a response in a letter from PATTY MYERS in Montana … I think she is a little ticked off! She also tells it like it is!
“Hey Alan, let’s get a few things straight!!!!!1. As a career politician, you have been on the public dole (tit) for FIFTY YEARS.

2. I have been paying Social Security taxes for 48 YEARS (since I was 15 years old. I am now 63).

3. My Social Security payments, and those of millions of other Americans, were safely tucked away in an interest bearing account for decades until you political pukes decided to raid the account and give OUR money to a bunch of zero losers in return for votes, thus bankrupting the system and turning Social Security into a Ponzi scheme that would make Bernie Madoff proud.

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Recently, just like Lucy & Charlie Brown, you and “your ilk” pulled the proverbial football away from millions of American seniors nearing retirement and moved the goalposts for full retirement from age 65 to age, 67. NOW, you and your “shill commission” are proposing to move the goalposts YET AGAIN.5. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying into Medicare from Day One, and now “you morons” propose to change the rules of the game. Why? Because “you idiots” mismanaged other parts of the economy to such an extent that you need to steal our money from Medicare to pay the bills.

6. I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying income taxes our entire lives, and now you propose to increase our taxes yet again. Why? Because you “incompetent bastards” spent our money so profligately that you just kept on spending even after you ran out of money. Now, you come to the American taxpayers and say you need more to pay off YOUR debt.

To add insult to injury, you label us greedy for calling “bullshit” to your incompetence. Well, Captain Bullshit, I have a few questions for YOU:

1. How much money have you earned from the American taxpayers during your pathetic 50-year political career?

2. At what age did you retire from your pathetic political career, and how much are you receiving in annual retirement benefits from the American taxpayers?

3. How much do you pay for YOUR government provided health insurance?

4. What cuts in YOUR retirement and healthcare benefits are you proposing in your disgusting deficit reduction proposal, or as usual, have you exempted yourself and your political cronies?
It is you, Captain Bullshit, and your political co-conspirators called Congress who are the “greedy” ones. It is you and your fellow nutcase thieves who have bankrupted America and stolen the American dream from millions of loyal, patriotic taxpayers.
And for what? Votes and your job and retirement security at our expense, you lunk-headed, leech.

That’s right, sir. You and yours have bankrupted America for the sole purpose of advancing your pathetic, political careers. You know it, we know it, and you know that we know it.

And you can take that to the bank, you miserable son of a bitch. NO, I did not stutter.

Insalata di Ciliegie

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I love  these little mozzarella balls dressed with a nicely aged balsamic vinegar, a good amount of garlic, salt, black pepper and good quality olive oil. In this version of a classic antipasti dish, I have replaced the traditional olives with cucumbers and the basil with scallions and added grape tomatoes and finely diced onions. To me, this gives a more vibrant and fresh, crispy texture and taste. However, add whatever tickles your fancy, such as marinated peppers, pearl onions, different mushrooms, etc, or even as I sometimes do, good quality canned anchovies.
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Bon Appetit !  Life is Good !
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And, On A Lighter Note ………

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And,  on a lighter note :
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.broccoli on my ass
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Q: What’s the difference between pea soup and roast beef?
A: Anyone can roast beef.

Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex ?

– You can GET chocolate.
– Chocolate satisfies even when it’s gone soft.
– You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
– You can have chocolate in in public.
– If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won’t mind.
– The word “commitment” doesn’t scare off chocolate.
– You don’t get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
– No need to fake your enjoyment of chocolate.
– Chocolate doesn’t make you pregnant.
– You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
– You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
– Size doesn’t matter — though more is still better.

Q: Two potatoes are walking down the street. One of them is a prostitute. How can you tell which one is the prostitute?
A: It’s the one stamped “Idaho.”

Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
A: Rotisserie chicken.

Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, “I have to go change. I’ll be back in a minute.”
Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky ‘egg’lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body.
Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely.
“What are you doing?,” the female egg asked.
He replied, “The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon.”

A  couple goes to Mexico City on vacation and eats at a famous local restaurant. The waiter tells them they have a delicious special every Sunday, so the couple orders the special.
With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping. It smells delicious and tastes even better.
The couple is delighted with their meal, and the husband asks the waiter what fabulous meat was in the dish. “Senor,” he explains, “each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull’s balls you ate.”
The couple is a bit taken aback by what they have just eaten, but it was delicious, so they get over it.
Six months later, the couple returns to Mexico City and decides to go to the same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they order the same dish.
Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time, there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one.
The man says, “Excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this portion so small?”
The waiter smiles and replies, “Well, you see, senor, sometimes the bull wins!”

Q: What does a good steak have in common with good sex?
A: They’re both very rare.

Q: Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
A: It’s called Sosumi.

Cannibal Son: Mom, I don’t like my brother anymore.
Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!

At work, a blonde notices her that cubicle mate has a thermos.
She asks him what it’s for, and he responds, “It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.”
The blonde immediately buys one. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.
Her cube mate asks, “What do you have in it?”
The blonde says, “Soup and ice cream.”

Things  never said by Southerners :

– Duct tape won’t fix that.

– Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.

– We don’t keep firearms in the house.

– You can’t feed that to the dog.

– The kids can’t ride in the back of the pickup — it’s just not safe.

– Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

– We’re vegetarians.

– Do you think my gut is too big?

– Honey, we don’t need another dog.

– Who’s Richard Petty?

– We could just share a small bag of pork rinds

.– Too many deer heads detract from the decor

.– I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today

.– Is there anything in this restaurant that’s NOT fried?

– The tires on that truck are too big.

– I’ve got it all on the C drive.

– There’s too much sugar in this tea.

– Checkmate.

– I believe you cooked those greens too long

A  truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker’s coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn’t say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, “He ain’t much of a man, is he?”
“He’s not much of a driver, either,” the waitress replied. “He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles.”

Q: What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
A: Beer nuts are a $1.39, and deer nuts are under a buck.

Americans hate France. You don’t know French people. It’s mostly based on a story you heard about a friend’s friends who went to Paris, who had a waiter, who had B.O., who was very rude to them because they sent back their steak tartar because it was too rare.
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we are screwed

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Well Friend’s there you have it.
But, at least there is good food to help us get over it  :-)

Life is (still) Good !
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10 Second Baguette

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I came across this on  ” 100 Tables ”  and I thought you might get a kick out of it    :-)

Enjoy!

TAIWANESE MAGICIAN GROWS BREAD OUT OF HIS HANDS

Here’s something to start your day. The Bread trick starts about 2:45.

Watch the video  HERE
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